#Dating - Why does he rarely text me FIRST?

I see this with my friends all the time. I am sure that there are THOUSANDS of people out there that want to know the answer to the age old question...Why doesn't he message me first but always replies straight away when I message HIM?'

I guess I am about to break girl code here...prepare yourself...If he doesn't really message you FIRST very often...it's probably because he's just no that interested. As much as it sucks to hear that...it's the one piece of truth that so many women out there just don't want to hear, but probably need to.

The fact that you are sitting there wondering why he rarely messages you first is probably the reason you have that knot in your stomach telling you that there is a real lack of connection...or even a real interest at all. When it comes to these types of situations there may be many excuses that we are all trying to rationalise "he's just playing it cool" or "he's busy" etc...

The rule of thumb here is that you aren't really in his thoughts until he gets a text from you...then he replies. That's one side but the other is that he could be allowing you to be in control. If that's the case then he is letting you do most of the work and that isn't really a good sign. Most men LOVE the hunt, it's how they are wired, If he is no longer hunting you then it means he isn't trying anymore and that indicates a REAL lack of interest. Think back to when you first meet someone, the guy does all this work to get you but when it slows down to NOTHING...he knows he has you and it's not a challenge anymore.

I just texted someone you all know of and asked him that exact question. He made a joke that he is usually waiting for me to text him back...talk about roles reversed in a relationship. This is one of the BIGGEST arguments in our relationship.

When a guy is really into a girl, they will hunt them, working hard to impress the girl and taking the initiative to text her constantly. If you are the one doing all of the work and he isn't hunting you then he isn't hungry enough to catch you. He may respond to you when you are the one doing all the work but won't do much to move things along. 

What you need to do is decide how you feel about all of this. You may be thinking that as long as you keep doing what you are doing that he will eventually come around...the problem with that is that guys will keep things how they are unless they want to change things...or you force their hand. If you do want to force his hand...STOP TEXTING HIM! If he really is interested then he will realise you aren't messaging him and worry/wonder why that is...He may change his tune and drive into hunting mode, starting to message you first but it will take a lot for you to do this. If you really are interested in him and want him to start coming after you then you may have to show him what he is missing out on! If you find it really hard start marking down the days on a calendar and if after 30 days he hasn't even tried to contact you...ignore him forever and MOVE ON...You deserve better!

Write your questions below and I will get back to you asap.